Open Up About Sex & HIV with Your Partner: Tips & Resources
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There are so many talks that happen in a relationship. But you shouldn’t shy away from topics just because they may make you uncomfortable or seem awkward. We can help you start the conversation so you can feel more at ease. Remember these helpful tips before starting any conversation or finding help:

  • Be in a safe space for both of you.
  • Speak calmly.
  • Be authentic and honest.
  • Keep resources on hand.
  • Show that you care.
  • Agree to stay safe

Talk about sex.

Talking about sex is important. When you practice condomless sex, you significantly reduce the risk of getting HIV. Here are a few ways to start the conversation:

“Have you been sexually active in the last year?”
“I want to be safe.”
“Protection is a must for me.”
“Staying healthy is important.”
“I want us to have a safe and healthy sex life.”

> You should both be honest about your sexual history. Share if you’ve had any STDs.

> Talk about Birth Control options that work for both of you.

> Let your partner know how important safety is to you.

> Set boundaries so you can feel comfortable and prevent any pressure.

> Establish that you want to have sex using protection.

> Offer protection options: Condoms, dental dams, PrEP.

> Telling your partner you want to stay healthy and want them to do the same lets them know this is a top priority for you.

> Explain the risks that come from not knowing.

> Tell them you want to take the next step in your relationship but only if it’s safe for both of you.

Talk with your partner about getting tested.

Explain the importance of getting tested and why you should both know your status. Here are some ways to ease into it:

“Let’s get tested before we have sex.”
“Many people who have an STD don’t know it.”
“We can enjoy sex more if we know it’s safe.”
“There are other things you may want to talk to your partner about.”

> Make it something you both do together. You’ll be there for each other and can get answers to any questions you may have.

> Sexual history — like types of protection you prefer or the last time you got tested

> Risk factors — like if you’ve had sex without a protection or used injection drugs

Talk to your partner about being HIV positive.

You don’t have to tell your friends and family about your HIV status. But, you should feel safe opening up to them if you want to. Having the support of friends and family is an important element of living with HIV.

“Take time to prepare yourself. “
“We need to talk about HIV.”
“Before we have sex, I want you to know that I have HIV.”

> Write down what they might say, and then think about your response.

> Start the conversation with HIV facts. Let your partner know that by being safe, they can prevent getting HIV.

> Share facts about HIV treatment and testing.

> Be honest, make it known that this is an important conversation and you’re trusting them.

Talk to your family/friends about being HIV positive.

Having the “sex talk” with family members isn’t the most comfortable conversation but it’s an important one. Here are some tips and conversation starters to make it a successful and positive interaction.

“Talk early and often.”
“Be ready for questions.”
“Use relatable stories or examples.”
“Let them know it’s ok to be honest.”
“Don’t overreact.”
“Make sure you’re staying informed.”
“Don’t just say “be safe”, tell them why it’s so important.”
“If you suspect they’re not using protection or being safe, find out why.”
“Offer to take them to get tested.”

> You don’t have to talk about everything all at once.

> Questions give you insight into what they already know or are completely unaware of.

> It’s easier to relate to something or understand with a reference.

> Admit if you’re feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable so they know it’s ok to do the same.

> Remember, you want them to feel safe and comfortable coming to you for information.

> They don’t want to feel judged or like they’re in trouble.

> Avoid spreading any incorrect information or facts.

> Don’t use scare tactics, just be honest about the risks that occur.

> Make sure they know all the options available to them. PrEP. Maybe even keep some condoms available to them.

> Ask them about their decisions. “You shouldn’t feel pressure to have sex without using contraception in order to have or keep a relationship with someone.”

> Share factual information, not opinions. They may not realize how high the risk of getting HIV could be.

> Make it something everyone does together.

> Offer them a ride to the clinic or to make their appointment.